On Facebook today, I posted:
I had a pang of longing this morning for the days of chat rooms and crowded message boards. I used to have conversations online. Now I just make statements.
I feel a longing for connection, in general. I've not been working hard enough on my friendships, or on building a sense of community in my life. I've wanted to be alone, and have actively avoided people, if not actually pushed them away... but this isn't good for me, and it's taking its toll.
I went to a coffee shop this morning. It's one of those very comfortable ones, without any pretension. Just good coffee, some good eats, and people coming together. I like watching families come in, and friends run into each other. I'm one of the other kind, the singles who come to sit alone and read or use the wireless connection, and just be around people. It is the closest I come to actually socializing, most weeks.
Today I almost said goodbye to the young man I'd been sitting next to for an hour, even though we hadn't spoken, hadn't even made eye contact. It was awkward; I imagined I could feel him thinking the same thing. I feel like my whole life is being surrounded by people, but not really connecting.