PILES AND PILES OF *HUGS*

Good grief Miiru, I can't imagine what your situation must be like to go through. I do know divorce is never a good/nice experience to go through without involving children. I guess all I can do is offer sympathy and *hugs*, and lots of both.

What's really sad is it's not going to be every weekend, and you know it.  It's going to be every other weekend, maybe once a month, depending on -his- whims.

But, as you know, life may take me down to that same vicinity; you and I can room on the coast as easily as we can in High Point, if you think it's worth it to make the change.

Failing that, the kneecap smashing offer has no expiration date!

He's seven, and is understandably torn about it. His dad, of course, has presented this move in the shiney-happy ooh look we get to live at the BEACH how cool is that?! facet, but the kid's astute enough to understand that this means he won't see his friends anymore, or the rest of his family that are staying here, or me. And he is upset about that, although he hasn't said as much to his dad, apparently.

He's one of those kids that reads people really well, and won't say something if he thinks it'll upset you. He knows that "but what about my mom?" isn't what his dad wants to hear, so he doesn't say it.

I dunno. Maybe after this summer, Jaime, if you're down there-- maybe we can do something. Because I *really* can't afford a custody battle. Not just in money; right now I don't have the emotional resources for it, even if I won the friggin' lottery tomorrow and was set for life.

But I suppose I can go to school in Wilmington as easily as I can Greensboro. It's just annoying that *yet again* I'd be rearranging my life around that jacka--'s whims.

Thanks for your support, guys. It means an incredible amount. :)

Get some legal advice, now.  It may not be as big a drama to get a court order against the move as you think, if you have joint custody.  Hell, I think even if you didn't have joint custody, you could get some leverage there.  I don't know how the legal system works where you are, and I think it varies from state to state.  But even if you can't afford to go the whole hog, having a letter from a lawyer saying "you can't do this" puts you in a much better position to negotiate than just asking nicely (or even not very nicely).  It might be enough to convince your ex to drive your son the whole way there and back, for example.

Are there any Community Law Centres near you, or places that give advice to women, or students, or anything you can use?

That's good advice, but it's more likely to work if you have a strong negotiating position to start with.

Even on a purely personal level, there's nothing more empowering than the feeling of strength you get when you say "let's do this my way" and it happens.  Judging by the above story, you sound like you could do with a bit of that.

*piles on more hugs*

So sorry to hear all this, Miiru. I have no useful advice to offer, though... Listen to the wise Smarchers above for good advice. And hang in there! :)

Binky wrote:

Legal aid in North Carolina

Thanks, Binky. :) Good advice, and great link.

And ~hugs~ to everyone, and thanks for your support. It helps; it does it does.

Miiru wrote:

He's seven, and is understandably torn about it. His dad, of course, has presented this move in the shiney-happy ooh look we get to live at the BEACH how cool is that?! facet,

I know this isn't close to the most important issue, but who wants to live at the beach in the winter.  Most beaches are sort of ghost towns in the winter, though I'm not sure about NC.  The sinister part of me almost wants to say its part of your ex's master plan to get your son to resent the fact that when beach weather actually comes around in the summer he'll 'have' to leave the beach to live with you.

Damn, Miiru, I'm sorry to hear you're going through that.  I'll keep you in my thoughts and keep an ear to the ground to see what I can find out about your situation.

*hugs Miiru*

This sort of S**t is damned ugly!  Bf has been living this nightmare for nearly 2 years now, and far worse.  His ex took their son and moved to Salem, OR, 600 miles away!  That be a 12-14 hour drive depending on weather and how much you're willing to risk a speeding ticket.  And there WAS AND STILL IS a court-directed joint custody agreement in place!

I'm soooo sorry that you're looking at a similar situation, it's truly awful!

*morehugs*