I thought it might be a good day...
We (my father and I) finally started working on my bookshelf, which we've been putting off for weeks.
At first all was fine, although I always was carefull tho be as un-annoying as possible. While i was grinding off the edges of the boards, he went to the living room and fell asleep there (which happens very very frequently).
Didn't wake until dinner. Arrived at the table in an aura of huffiness. Which, as always, meant I didn't say a single word or even look up. I know only too well how easily he gets angry.
And then in addition to that, all he does is commenting on the food with "bleargh" and similar sounds.
Which made even my mother angry enough to say something. Got back a contemptuous remark, and off he goes, back to the sofa and the beer bottle.
And I sit there, silently, head down, staring at my plate, wishing there were something I could say to Mama, to let her know how bad this makes me feel, how sorry I feel for her.... and yet I can't say anything, because he'd hear and get angry and I don't want an argument, I don't want to scream ad cry, but I also couldn't bear to listen to the things he'd say without answering just as rudely, and then it'd get worse and worse...

*feels cold and sad*

Okay, this list hasn't been used in a while, which I apologize for, if only because I haven't been around to keep it up.  But, man, have I had an interesting time since last I was around...  most of it's pretty funny... now.

The Set-Up:  Alright, if you look back far enough, you'll see that I had no end of problems earlier this year, right.  Yeah, the brief recap being, I got tossed out of my old college for being a jerk, which I'm still trying to figure out, and I'm working on finding a good lawyer that'll take the case... I'll get to that one in a moment or three.

Also, my wife and I were having problems for a while, which seems to have resolved itself into a whole new set of problems...  That one's freaking hilarious too.  wait for it...

*drags out his briefcase, flips it open, hits a button and a podium erects itself from the interior.  lights a cigarette and grins at his port-a-podi.*  That thing is so cool.

The Rant:  So here it goes.  As I mentioned earlier, the whole thing that went down with my college last winter/spring, resolved itself poorly, meaning that the teacher/director/dean/department chair/whatever the heck else he wants to call himself is still there, and still screwing with various people's lives.  I've spent the last nine months just trying to get by, survive, that kind of thing.  I know the rule is that this has to be funny, but it isn't yet.  Ready for the punchline?

The local law firm that specializes in this kind of thing just got shut down by the FBI and the IRS for Tax Evasion/Fraud... *starts giggling uncontrollably*  I mean, what kind of dumba$$ do you have to be as a lawyer to get yourself into THAT MESS??  I needed a lawyer with their qualifications and they have the bad taste to perform felonious evasion of taxes JUST WHEN I NEED TO USE THEM!!  WTH???  And it was a BIG raid, we're talking, on the local news, fifteen or twenty agents raiding their office and the main lawyer's house and the whole thing.  It's hysterical, not to mention the most action that our local officials have had in quite a while.  So they're out in the full riot gear, bullet proof vests and face shields, beat sticks, grenade launchers on M-16s.  I was surprised they didn't have some sort of Military Recreational Vehicle out there.  It was AWESOME!!  There are better pictures of that floating around than there were of the guys that stormed Koresh's compound in Waco!

So now I'm really depressed, okay?  I mean, I've had to basically start college from scratch in the Criminal Justice field (which has its cool points, but seriously, me in this field, scary thought).  I've spent months putting my case together, getting all of the documentation that I could together for the suit and it's shot in the butt before I can even begin.  Meanwhile, my wife, remember her? yeah, she's making all kinds of noises of dissatisfaction.

See, mounting depression and a lack of funds really bites into one's nightlife.  Add to that that she worked midnights all summer... yeah, our marriage kind of became us saying hi to each other in the hallway that leads to the master bedroom.  Eh, you do what you have to, but it gets to be a pain.  So she's making these noises, and I spent the summer trying to come up with ways for us to work it out.  I mean, really hard, sneaking through the cover of darkness to pick some of my neighbors flowers, because I couldn't afford to buy them, that kind of thing.  My daughter, who speaks better english than most adults now, is learning all kinds of neat words during this time frame as my wife and I circle each other.  Compromises aren't being met, to my intense chagrin, since I was the one giving up ground in these arguments.  Nothing I do is good enough, any more, which I can see.  I mean, how many people have you heard of being tossed out of school for being an a$$hole?  Yeah, not a very long list... Usually that gets you Tenure in college.  But, as it goes along, my birthday is coming up.  The day itself, I mean, cake and candles day its-own-self, I go to my classes for the day, feeling pretty good about life.  The talks are progressing, life is looking up, my grades are good enough that I don't have to take the final exams to pass with a B grade... Yeah, life's good.

Until I come home from school and find... MY HOUSE IS EMPTY OF HER STUFF!!!  The silly brat left me on my BIRTHDAY of all days.  I mean, damn, I've been broken up with in some ugly ways, but I've NEVER seen that one before.  I'm floored at this point.  She walks back in, LOOKING SURPRISED!!  That's the funny part, my schedule hasn't changed in THREE months at this point, and I'm always home from class at 3:20 on Tuesdays.  You can set the Comm satellites by my schedule on Tuesdays.

So, practicality holds up (here comes the funny part) and I look at her...  I don't say a word...  I just take my daughter out of her arms and say "You go, she stays".  My wife started to say something and for the first time in a long time, I stared her into total silence...  I WIN THE GOLD MEDAL!!!! *dances a little jig around the room, hands up with forefingers extended in the #1 sign*

It's a standing rule, men will never win an arguement with their wives.  And I broke the rules!! I love doing that.  The fun part is still being worked out, because she's trying to screw me out of custody.  You know how it goes, she immediately went to the FIA and started paperwork saying that my daughter was  living with her, etc.  Yeah, it's kind of disgusting, actually.  Now (another funny part) she's insisting that I need to go buy another crib, because she wants the one that is currently in my daughter's room at my house.  My daughter hasn't seen Anna but once a week, MAYBE, since she left.  I'm just looking at Anna and going, why should I do that?  You're the one who left.

I mean, it's freaking hysterical what people think YOU should do for them in a situation like this.  It's not like I didn't put up with enough crap over the last year THAT'S what she's going to ride me over??  What a wonderful person I apparently married...

*Grins, hits the button that collapses the port-a-podi back into its briefcase and closes the lid.*  Thank you for listening, I hope you're as amused by the antics of the world that surrounds me as I am.  Just remember, it's better to laugh at the world than with it.  For every silver lining there's a dark cloud, and no matter what laws they pass, every flame is a smoker.

Speaking of smokers, if you haven't yet watched or read it, get your hands on Al Gore's Global Warming speech.  Apparently the fault for Global Warming rests solely on the shoulders of cigarette smokers... *raises an eyebrow*  WHO GAVE THIS MAN A DRIVER'S LICENSE???  WHAT DUMBA$$ VOTED HIM INTO OFFICE IN THE FIRST PLACE... EVER!!!  I love it.  Gotta go, folks.

Do you ever have that, when you've just had a great day...absolutely great and you're all excited and stuff because it was such a great day...and then you see, read or hear something which is not even very important, it's just a tiny thing, not at all life-making or anything and it just hiots you so hard that you're suddenly just the saddest person in the world??

And why...WHY do I keep thinking that when those tiny little things happen, that it's because I'm not good enough or that it's obvious that it would happen, because why would anyone really like me??

Gaaaahhhh....I just had the greatest day and now I'm just beat and depressed....

And Malachy it's NO WAY near what you went through so my apologies for my silly rant there...and my best wishes for what comes next...

Okay, so now things are beginning to enter a rapid, spiralling descent into true idiocy.  It might have been an inadvertant thing, but after the thing with the crib (of which a new chapter unfolded tonight) I am taking nothing on faith of inherent goodness, if only because it's funny.

So I get a phone call way late last night from her majesty, who at least has the good taste to ask me if she can take E today.  I say sure, because I am not going to deny her any visitations if I don't have to.  So she says, "How about I pick her up at ten?"  I'm thinkin', "Dear God, do you pay attention to anybody else's schedule?  Of course not, like rules, schedule's don't actually apply"  What I say is "I'm going to be in class by then, how about a bit earlier?"  We haggle a bit and settle on eight in the a.m.  Which is fine, I've gotta be up by 7 anyway.

She shows up at my door, takes my daughter and heads out.  I drive my brother to work, come back for a quiet breakfast (which is generally in short supply at my house) have a couple of cups of coffee and head to school.  The princess, Anna, has said that she'll have E back before she goes to work, which means any time between 1700 and 2100 (5 to 9 pm).  So at 2020 I get a phone call "Can you come get her, because I just can't afford to bring her there" because, y'know, I live exactly three miles from where she works, which is a HUGE distance *snickers*  I obligingly saddle up and head into the cold to fetch my daughter from the South Side, which is not a nice area.

I get there and get my daughter's stuff together, because dinner's at home getting cold (and cold pizza is good the next day, not so much when you just bought it a few minutes ago) and she starts ripping into me for the fact that my brother, who lives with me, is my primary babysitter instead of her.  WTF?  She works midnights, she's shown no interest, and until about a week ago she didn't even have a car!  So I turn and look at her and say "Yeah, and I'm supposed to buy YOUR crib, too.  What's that about?"  "You said..." "I said that you buy a crib, and I'll switch them out, got witnesses".  I mean, I've been told that I've got some pretty serious cajones, but now I know why I was such a wimp when she and I were married... she's got WAY bigger cajones, she HAS to with the expectations she's got.  *grins*  Can somebody tell me, please, what causes somebody to leave their spouse, and then start doing crap like this??  I don't understand.  I'm intensely amused, but I'm so very confuzzled.

*grins*  Gotta go.