i don't know whether it's cultural or just me (or both - the most likely), but i am so totally not family oriented.  not personal contacts oriented, really.  i lose touch with people pretty much immediately upon them (or me) leaving.  it doesn't even have to be distance, just that there's nothing mandating i see them often (like work).  indeed, there's a "friend" of mine who lives in town - she lives on 6th street, i live on 16th street - i haven't seen her or spoken to her in a couple years.  just because i don't keep in touch. 

i go months and months and months without talking to my parents (one in oregon, one in california, me in maryland).  they call me and leave messages, but i usually just don't feel up to talking to them.  why?  because i have nothing to say.  i grew up with only my mother around, so don't really know my father, and i don't really know my mother at this point, either.  *shrug*  just the way i am.  i don't hold on to people.  i know this, and sometimes try to combat it, but it fails miserably every time.

my brother is actually only about an 8 hour drive away in michigan, but i've never made the drive.  i rarely even call him.  the last time i saw him was 4 years ago at his wedding.

so, yeah.  i find it hard to comprehend the family unit mentality.  i don't know where it comes from, but i'm pretty much an isolationist, i guess.

I love to keep in contact with some of my family members, mainly the ones that I get on with and care about. My Mum and I don't really get on, we don't argue at all but we are also completely different people so we have nothing to talk about. She's never been the maternal type so we've never developed a close bond. My Dad and I get on great, we have common interests and a similar outlook on life. My Dad has always been very paternal, despite only seeing him at most one weekend in two since I was three, so we've still managed to be quite close.

I see my family in the same light that I see my friends, I keep in touch with the people I like to be around; those that I care about, have something in common with and generally get on with.

I'm not one of those people who thinks that you should always keep in touch with your family, love your family and give your family your time and attention just because they are you family. I've had plenty of experience, in my family and other people's, of family members who are complete assholes; who make no effort, who use and abuse their families and then expect love and respect in return.

Just like I would treat any other human being on earth, if you treat me badly then I'm not going to have any voluntary contact with you.

The way I see it is, life is too short and precious to spend it on people who constantly make your life worse, family or not.

Can we switch this from kids to elderly parents?

Mine are both in their eighties. Divorced ten years ago but friends now. (My family is an interesting one :D) We spend a lot of time with them, helping them out, moving them and just generally looking after them.

Tonight we had to take my Dad to the hospital as he has been very confused and odd the last little while. Turns out he has an infected toe and a sore on his stump. (He has a wooden leg.)

As we were sitting there, worrying about him, I found myself wishing I were six and grownups could step in and take over. Then I realized.....I am the grownup now. Bummer!

Does anyone else have elderly parents? How are you coping? Or is this just a dumb post?

welcome jonathan! yeah, tad rocks pretty hard, eh? as far as i know, you're our 2nd alaskan...altho i could be wrong. glad to hear from the far frozen north! how're the northern lights this time of year?

Jonathan -

I too am a cat person, have two: one whose official name is "Ludwig," but we call him "The Donger," he is that stupid. The other is Neko, a shortened form of some Japanese saying that means "Lord Black Cat." My youngest is into Anime, big time.

Just -

The cat's full name is Kironeko-sama. "Neko" is just its nickname. You gotta have a name to throw at it when it is being dreadfully naughty.

*returning to writing paper about home networks*

[ February 05, 2005: Message edited by: Martha ]

As far as the whole Parental issue goes. My real parents were divorced when I was 1 and my dad stayed overseas when I came to the states so I barely heard from him or my sister. So I only knew my Mom as I grew up. When I finished College I moved as far away from my Mom as I could to get out from under her thumb. That was in 1994 and I've since talked to her on average of every 6 months or so. I just don't have much to say and some of the things I've learned that she's done in the past have made me want to talk to her less and less. I don't particularliy despise her, in fact I feel kinda Sad for her. Had such a rough beginning and all and has never fully recovered. She's also somewhat vengeful again a product of her growing-up years, so I'm careful to avoid talking to her less I send her off on some streak of trying to destroy my life as she has tried with my Dad.
My Dad on the other hand has in recently begun to want to spend more and more time in my life, to the point of over-doing it. I hear form him almost every week now and he has yet to stop finishing a conversation with how great it was to see me for Christmas...8P
But still in all I love my family very much, I'm just glad they are where they are. Except my siste, I'd like to see more of her...oh well.

Skeen1: I don't have that problem yet, because my parents are still fit and in control of their own lives, but I've seen it happen with both my grandmothers, who lived to 97 and 99.  There isn't much to say except, yes, we're the grown-ups now.  I wish you luck.  Many of us are or will be in that same position soon.

Welcome to the board.  It's a good place to hang out and get away from it all.  And hello and welcome to other new folk, too.

Have a cold? Go skiing in Norway. It won't cure it, but you'll feel better. Both Ivo an me had a cold there. You'd feel aweful in the morning, go out skiing never the less and come back feeling fine. We probably froze all the bacteria/virii to death or at least nonactivity. We'd feel like hell in the morning again (after sleeping in a warm room). :)

Yalahii.

I hope you feel better soon now Tad, and btw, wouldnt Tad be an awesome cologne?

First up: Thanks for the kind wishes Tad. (There I have finally done it. Used 'the' first name. Doesn't feel bad. May keep doing it.)

Second: Your cold needs salsa. Fresh, none of the jarred stuff. As soon as I start getting that feeling like my head is filling with cotton stuffing, I make a big bowl and pig out on it. Next day, head is back to normal. Or as normal as it gets for me. Recipe supplied if required!

Third: Parents, families, kids and friends are the glue holding my world together. I can imagine how you are feeling Sean. I get kind of like that with my older sister venturing back into the dating game. I want her to give me his vital stats and any personal info I can back check. I'm a nasty suspicious little sister, EWG!

And I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your father. I'm getting way to close to that end of things myself. I have no idea what it's going to be like. Not looking forward to it, that's for sure.

Have a cold?  Emergen-C.  Man that stuff knocks it out pretty quick - although it works much better if you take it at the very beginning (when you start to feel the tickle in the throat).

Of course, I'm not sure how well it works once kids are in the equation.  From what I understand they're practically their own lab cultures for germs.  Fortunately I don't have to worry about that for 2 more months.