Tad Williams' Message Board

Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- 'God damn it, you've got to be kind.'
-    Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007

Welcome to the message board for tadwilliams.com. All comments are welcome, whether kudos or brickbats. However, please bear in mind that Tad would like this to be a friendly, civil message board, at least in the relations between users. We reserve the right to remove postings, or even ban postings, from anyone who crosses the boundary of reasonable taste. Basically, you can argue vigorously with someone, but watch your language, okay? We have a lot of young readers as well as grown-ups, so please show them some respect.

But the main requirement here is: have fun.


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#26 2001-08-15 17:16:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

Hey, Tad.  Good to see ya (performs Queen Mum Wave).  Thanks for the foothold (as opposed to footlehold, which I expect would involve sociometry in some way).

I notice that you are too evolved now to respond to snipes about your three point shooting. I'm impressed. Of course, this will only lead me to develop even more outrageous slanders.

As for amount of time I can spend here...the work hours really do crimp things, but I expect to keep the Underlook heated and lit and devil take the Enron board of directors.

 

#27 2001-08-15 17:16:00

Miiru
Pilgrim
From: Just a bit left of center.
Registered: 2001-06-20
Posts: 14675
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

ah, no, sadly enough,i did not... 'll have to look for it though...


Ted Kennedy in a speedo is just another sign of the coming apocalypse.
-wiked

 

#28 2001-08-15 17:20:00

wiked
Pilgrim
From: the land of ice and snow
Registered: 2001-06-01
Posts: 7490
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

markk wrote:



.

wikedtribe again, can't let that very clever quotation from Macbeth go by without comment. I believe the beginning of that quote says something about "if it were done...then well it were done quickly..."  Sly little tribe. I can see you will keep the Underlook Staff on its toes.

....

Let us sit upon the ground
And tell the sad story of the death of kings.


seems kinda appropiate fer the current situation of shadowmarch.


Slave of the lizard king

Master of the esoteric arts

He's exciting in a "here come the Magyrs" kinda way

 

#29 2001-08-15 17:22:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

Finally, I expect some explanation for the name of this topic is in order.

Obviously, The Underlook is an affectionate homage to Stephen King's famous Overlook from THE SHINING. It is also intended to welcome the underlooked, unsung, underestimated and unknown wonders that inhabit the world. The Underlook has many rooms filled with things invisible to see, memories and memento morii, and more. None of the doors are locked (except for That One Over There <shudder>) and every room has a story and every story has many rooms.

Deep, huh?

Looking forward to hanging with y'all.

 

#30 2001-08-15 18:30:00

wiked
Pilgrim
From: the land of ice and snow
Registered: 2001-06-01
Posts: 7490
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

Ohhhh over there

(wanders in that general direction while finguring lockpicks.


Slave of the lizard king

Master of the esoteric arts

He's exciting in a "here come the Magyrs" kinda way

 

#31 2001-08-15 20:34:00

Gigi
Pilgrim
From: dunno
Registered: 2001-06-15
Posts: 4214

Re: The Underlook Hotel

*peeks inside*

I smell deep thoughts. 

Wait, no I don't.  That's from next door...I think all I smell here is silliness.

Ladies and gentlemen, staaaart yooooouuuuur eeeeeeeeennnnnnnginnnnnnessss...

markk, I look forward to being entertained.  Welcome to the neighborhood!

*leaves a copy of Good Omens on the table, because it still makes her giggle*


Giggling Lady of Doom

 

#32 2001-08-15 21:34:00

MadMaudlin
Pilgrim
From: Sunnyvale, CA
Registered: 2001-06-03
Posts: 1717

Re: The Underlook Hotel

Oh, I didn't have trouble getting the Stephen King reference (The Shining is pretty famous both as book and movie although i'm not a King fan) only, if Hierarchs like Tad have to start all the topics, what's the easiest way to find out who all the landlords are before you post?

Kristin
*creeping very slowly* toward 500 posts


"El-ahrairah, your people cannot rule the world, for I will not have it so. All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you....Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed."

--Frith's (God's) promise to the rabbits, from Watership Down

 

#33 2001-08-15 21:45:00

Miiru
Pilgrim
From: Just a bit left of center.
Registered: 2001-06-20
Posts: 14675
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

~loved Good Omens~
~was very angry when her dogeared and battered copy was stolen~


Ted Kennedy in a speedo is just another sign of the coming apocalypse.
-wiked

 

#34 2001-08-15 22:27:00

MadMaudlin
Pilgrim
From: Sunnyvale, CA
Registered: 2001-06-03
Posts: 1717

Re: The Underlook Hotel

aww.....

(deep sympathy for bereaved book lover)

I know I've got a copy somewhere....

Kristin


"El-ahrairah, your people cannot rule the world, for I will not have it so. All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you....Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed."

--Frith's (God's) promise to the rabbits, from Watership Down

 

#35 2001-08-16 01:46:00

djf
Pilgrim
Registered: 2001-06-07
Posts: 2735
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

I know where my copy is. My sister has managed to read a stunning 41 pages in the course of two months. Just shows that the heredetary thing is much overrated.

I'm also wondering who that surprisingly sophistcated thief might be.

PS: "Mi casa es sue casa"? My house will sue your house?

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: djf ]


Usually, to be completely unbiased and objective, you have to have no idea what you're talking about.
Matt Fuller

 

#36 2001-08-16 06:24:00

Sahi
Mantis
From: Assendelft (the Netherlands)
Registered: 2001-06-04
Posts: 37879
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

In that case I will give you this plant, I haven't got a clue what it is, so I thought it would fit in nicely here.

Yalahii. (and welcome to the neighbourhood)


"I'm a much nicer person online" - Aan'Allein

First member of the Shadowmarch Council of Sages, Official Quiller's Mint Historian
You may call me the Porcupine Lady, or if you are feeling generous the Erinaceous One.

 

#37 2001-08-16 09:51:00

ElderTurtle
Pilgrim
From: Lexington, KY USA
Registered: 2001-06-12
Posts: 5974
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

Ah, another contribution to the Underlook Hotel - home of parody and humor.  As before, it's not my own work, but stolen lock, stock, and ba... er ... that is to say an "Extensively Researched" musical number that comes from my "Extensive Archives" of such material.

So, without further ado ...

Bruces' Philosophers Song
a.k.a.
The Philosophers' Drinking Song

*begins singing*

"Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel,

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya 'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And René Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker, But a bugger when he's pissed."

*bows*

Cordially,

ElderTurtle (P.o.W.)


Irony: God gave the turtle a drag coefficient of 0.3

"All limits are self imposed." -- Icarus

 

#38 2001-08-16 10:24:00

wiked
Pilgrim
From: the land of ice and snow
Registered: 2001-06-01
Posts: 7490
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

mmmmmonty python.... heheheh.

Markk i was going to reply onmacbeth but the richard IIquote came to ind, that quote is ad the party for the king when macbeth hasrespolved agter lady macbeth said(i paraphrase, yo what the dillio dwag, cap the ho


Slave of the lizard king

Master of the esoteric arts

He's exciting in a "here come the Magyrs" kinda way

 

#39 2001-08-16 14:57:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

I'm sure most of you know that Pandora means All Gifts, but did you know that Oedipus means Swollen Foot?

This is the sort of thing you can expect to find woven into the mat on the front stoop of the Underlook.  Every nook has a pneuma and all the crannies are just brimming with esoteric trivia. Instead of gargoyles, we have statuary of Art Fleming, Alex Trebek, and Don Pardo.

Before we begin our tour of the manse, let's see to these messages scrawled in red chalk on the mirror.  Hm.

The Tribe scores again with another Shake-mon quote! That's one of my favorite bits from Richard II. The whole speech is rich (Make dust our paper and with rainy eyes write sorrow on the bosom of the earth...good stuff). Like the sig, too. How can you not love that WHEEEEET whooooaa riff? I might have guessed the wikedtribe would instantly swarm on the one locked door. Did I mention that its hinges are made of the bones of angels and the lock was forged by Hephaestos? Just makes ya more curious, huh?  All right. Don't forget to click the EULA on your way through.

Gigi Those deep thoughts you were smelling were really just puns in the fryer (not the usual nippers and Tuck). Many thanks for the copy of Good Omens. I can't promise to be even a fraction as entertaining, but will do my best.

MadMaudlin, That's a good question, about identifying the landlords. I suppose you will simply have to read every single Neighborhood post from alpha to omega.  I usually pick the topics I read from the Active Posts thingy, by whatever current message looks interesting.  I really ought to have named this place Shiny Things, since I am like a baby magpie when it comes to swooping down on anything vaguely glittery.

Miiru, what an awful shame to lose your copy of a favorite book. I hate when that happens and only console myself with the thought that at least it's being enjoyed somewhere. Cold comfort, I know. I had a first edition paperback of The Land of Laughs and lent it out to a girlfriend who since moved away and lost touch. I can think of no graceful way of tracking her down and demanding my book back without also admitting that, yes, I still have her Bonzo Dog LP.  Life, she eez a tricksy theeng.

djf, not only will my house named sue sue your house, it will sue you for a sou. Soo there.

Sahi, why, thank you for the mysterious plant. Y'know, this is so funny, you'll laugh, it's silly, but y'know, the shape of the leaves, those wriggly roots...it looks a little like, well, a triffid, but that's im--

Elder Turtle Muchas gracias for the Drinking Song. You have such nifty and erudite humor archives. I, unfortunately, have no such hoard (unless you count the forwarded jokes my friends send, which, with the cockroaches, will be all that survives nuclear winter).

So, I think that addresses the lot. Now, off to lift a few blinds and blind a few lifts. A Caretaker's work is never done (but I find it can be shirked very nicely).

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: markk ]

 

#40 2001-08-16 15:10:00

Damon
Pilgrim
From: enzed
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 10651
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

markk wrote:

I'm a writer and have published a couple science fiction novels.
...
And so it goes...po te weet.

Hopefully not books on Trout-fishing? *grins*


Damon.co.nz: Where the homeless come to bathe
"Pardon me while I have a strange interlude."

 

#41 2001-08-16 15:15:00

Miiru
Pilgrim
From: Just a bit left of center.
Registered: 2001-06-20
Posts: 14675
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

inspired, i went out and bought Good Omens today. i would like to thank the Underlook Hotel for my serendipity...

or whatever you call it

~goes off to enjoy her book- AGAIN~


Ted Kennedy in a speedo is just another sign of the coming apocalypse.
-wiked

 

#42 2001-08-16 15:17:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

Now then, let's have a bit of a tour of the Underlook, shall we? It will take some time to explore this place, but I will try to make the journey interesting. I apologize because our usual docent is currently indisposed within a triffid.

Careful of the low ceilings. Did I mention the drawbacks of hiring hobbit contractors?

Here is the foyer. Note the slidewalk that whisks one off to the scientifiction wing of the hotel. The roads must roll (I find greasing them with a little hoka blood does wonders).

The winding stairs lead to the eschervilles or lead away from them; I can't really say for certain either way (and don't bother asking Hofstadter, he's still mumbling about Set Theory).

Let's take Blaine the Mono to the mead-hall. Mind the little grendelings, their parents are a little on the short tempered side.

 

#43 2001-08-16 15:26:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

The best thing about hosting a hotel with no locked doors is that treasured guests enter and appear bristling with bon mots just when wanted.

Paragon, Welcome to our granfalloon. This way to the wampeter.

Miiru, the Underlook is pleased to have inspired you to a reunion with a beloved book.  The Underlook is humble and lovable and thinks Polly Purebred has great gams.

New guests properly greeted? Check.  Back to the tour then...

 

#44 2001-08-16 15:39:00

footle
Pilgrim
From: London, England
Registered: 2001-06-12
Posts: 3164
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

MadMaudlin wrote:

if Hierarchs like Tad have to start all the topics, what's the easiest way to find out who all the landlords are before you post?

Prayer. Or other divine inspiration.
I usually choose to look through the bottom of a beer glass myself...


"The classic Mail headline which begins 'Is this the Most Evil/Depraved/Shocking...?' can almost always be answered 'actually, no'." - Andrew Marr

 

#45 2001-08-16 15:41:00

Damon
Pilgrim
From: enzed
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 10651
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

markk wrote:

Paragon, Welcome to our granfalloon. This way to the wampeter.

I think that this kan-kan can only harass me into this karass.  Busy, busy, busy...


Damon.co.nz: Where the homeless come to bathe
"Pardon me while I have a strange interlude."

 

#46 2001-08-16 15:46:00

Kianor
Banned
From: alaska
Registered: 2001-07-12
Posts: 15665

Re: The Underlook Hotel

<avoiding room 219 like the plague, jumping on Blaine the Mono, riddled to near death en route to the Mead Hall>

Well I would like to sing the Inaugaral Drinking Song to the Mead Hall:

<climbs upon table, hefts mead horn, begins to stamp foot in fast scottish rhythm>

Well, a Smarchman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

Ring-Ding-Diddle-Diddle-I-De-O
Ring-Di-Iddley-I-O
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Smarchman so strong and hnadsome built
I wonder if its true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"

Ring-Ding-Diddle-Diddle-I-De-O
Ring-Di-Iddley-I-O
I wonder if its true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

Well, they crept up on that sleeping Smarchman quiet as could be
And lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Smarchish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

Ring-Ding-Diddle-Diddle-I-De-O
Ring-Di-Iddley-I-O
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

Well they marvelled for a moment then one said "We must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Smarch's kilt did lift and show

Ring-Ding-Diddle-Diddle-I-De-O
Ring-Di-Iddley-I-O
Around the bonnie star the Smarch's kilt did lift and show

Well the Smarchman woke to nature's call and stumbled t'wards the trees
Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
"Oh Lad I don't know where ya been but I see ya won first prize"

Ring-Ding-Diddle-Diddle-I-De-O
Ring-Di-Iddley-I-O
Oh Lad I don't know where ya been but I see ya won first prize


<out of breath, falls off table>

Happy Mead Hall-warming!

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: Joshua ]

 

#47 2001-08-16 15:46:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

The Mead-Hall

We have an excess of mead-benches here (depending on your translation; some Beowulf scholars think those are supposed to be comfy armchairs...if you were getting snacked on by monsters, wouldn't you at least lobby for chairs with cushions?)

The Mead-Hall is the main place for poetry, epic, lyrical, epic-lyrical, lyrical-pastoral, and so on.  Free verse is welcome (the Danes would approve, so long as you remembered to leave out danish and mead before the recitation).

In ancient days, mead-halls were sacred. Some scholars think that the tales recited there were the earliest occasions of peaceful war (at least in the really chilly parts of the world...apparently, dance challenges served the same purpose in the warmer climes...doesn't that seem just backward to you?).

So, this is where we learned how to be friends, shared our travels, bared our souls (all the best poets wept as they sang), and offered up toasts.

In that spirit, here is a poem I wrote some time ago (later, I promise to post new work...in the old days, I used to work out drafts online in realtime...kind of a virtual slam):

 

#48 2001-08-16 15:47:00

Gashweir
Pilgrim
From: Boulder Creek
Registered: 2001-06-05
Posts: 429

Re: The Underlook Hotel

O Mighty Writer of Worthy but Tragically Out-Of-Print Novels, we who are about to be subjected to outlandish humor, bad puns, and the reuslting gastro-intestinal distress salute you.

Hi all who have already posted here!


The rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces.  It is not God who kills children.  Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs.  It's us.  Only us.

Rorschach
The Watchmen

 

#49 2001-08-16 15:51:00

Miiru
Pilgrim
From: Just a bit left of center.
Registered: 2001-06-20
Posts: 14675
Website

Re: The Underlook Hotel

~grins ~
~laughs uproariously at the Meadsong already presented~

~raises her mug in salute~

'm impressed, i truly am. :D

~knows firsthand that the rumours about Scotsmen and kilts are, in fact, true...~


Ted Kennedy in a speedo is just another sign of the coming apocalypse.
-wiked

 

#50 2001-08-16 16:01:00

markk
Pilgrim
From: San Francisco
Registered: 2001-05-31
Posts: 280

Re: The Underlook Hotel

New Olympus

Down among the pylons,
cloaked by stone shadows, rig
rumble and train thunder,
the bombers and the wizards
play jondo and slap a draw,
pass the night train and
make music.

the butt of a Winston
chains along, the tiny red eye
burns all the night long,
lighting the stales.

Valo, the jondo man, he
shake his mane,
grins ivory and spins his
knife toward the woman he
wants.
Starlight
silver blood
drips down the steel.

Cat, bomber babe,
shivers with the night love.
She wears silky armor and
a black glass belt.
She twirls her stiletto toward
Valo,
winks at the rastie.

Seilo,
old wizard,
cages their knives with a scowl.
He's an alleymaker.
Hates windows.
He wears a stained slouch hat that
hides his eyes.
The hat is older than Valo.
Older than Cat.
Older than love.

Valo shrugs,
turns the movement
into a man's dance,
goes up to his toes,
spins like his jondo knife then
returns to the earth,
takes a drag on the butt.

The bombers howl,
even the wizards laugh,
but not Seilo.

Cat rolls,
leaps the sterno fire
like a Celtic warrior maid.
Her shadow rolls
the other way
over Seilo's toes,
giggling.

Even Seilo smiles.
His diamond teeth are
carved with golden words.

Valo and Cat stroll off,
whistling for her shadow.
It comes slinking after,
still giggling.

The sun cuts into the cold night.
A newly born sky bleeds pink morning.
The bombers stutterskip onto the rails,
spraying enchantments,
keeping the world safe.
The wizards sink into the earth,
or rise to make love to the clouds,
or walk the veins of maple leaves.

Seilo spreads his ancient arms.
An oak appears in his stead.

Cat darts
under a car
chasing a shadow.

Valo crouches
before the old slouch hat,
hands tucked into his sleeves,
waiting for some kind of
change.


   --Mark Kreighbaum

(originally published in Dreams and Nightmares)

[ August 16, 2001: Message edited by: markk ]

 

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