Tad Williams' Message Board

Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies -- 'God damn it, you've got to be kind.'
-    Kurt Vonnegut, 1922-2007

Welcome to the message board for tadwilliams.com. All comments are welcome, whether kudos or brickbats. However, please bear in mind that Tad would like this to be a friendly, civil message board, at least in the relations between users. We reserve the right to remove postings, or even ban postings, from anyone who crosses the boundary of reasonable taste. Basically, you can argue vigorously with someone, but watch your language, okay? We have a lot of young readers as well as grown-ups, so please show them some respect.

But the main requirement here is: have fun.


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#1 2013-05-08 11:42:50

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

The Poetry Slam

Pour yourself a thick black cup
And let the rhymes invade your mind
For you are in The Poetry Slam
Where new verses are refined.

I, The Rook, shall oversee
The verses that are posted here.
Fear you not my watchful eye;
Post your poems without fear.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#2 2013-05-08 11:43:58

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

A repost from the QM!

This one was inspired by Alexander Pope's "Essay On Criticism" (which includes the timeless line "To err is humane; forgivness, divine" but the poem itself is so long that I think most people would miss it).

No better magnet for abuse
Than writing critical reviews.
On bad reviews you whine and seethe
Just like that song by Toby Keith:

“What did I do to make you mad?
You’re nasty just to sell more ads.
Unless you can say something nice
Then your silence will suffice.”

You then cite Anton Ego’s words
To claim how criticism’s absurd:
“An average piece of junk’s worth more
Than some foolish critic’s score!”

That notion strongly I debunk:
An average piece of junk’s still junk!
By your words, a rotten apple’s
Equal to the Sistine Chapel.

Just come clean and speak the truth:
You’re seeking out an ego boost.
If I had penned you honeyed prose
You would not come off so hard-nosed.

So shut my mouth lest I play nice?
But follow thee thine own advice?
Clandestinely, you speak reviews
With acid tongue through Mary Sue.

You shout that Anton Ego mused
A critic should champion the new
Yet even you cannot dispute
Not all new thing’s worth the pursuit.

Look, this review that I composed
Is basically a comment post
Though those briefs aren’t as long as this:
I find you worth analysis.

But lest you think I’m status quo —
I, the Last Word? Oh, Heavens no!
Quell your heart, there’s naught to fear,
Most what I write falls on deaf ears.

Scant few I write is stemmed from hate.
Respect, I do, that you create;
Yet do not honest thoughts outweigh
Fans lavishing mere fawning praise?

Compelled you are, and so am I
To put to words what’s on my mind —
For you to churn out fiction works,
And me to be a righteous jerk.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#3 2013-05-08 11:54:49

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Also reposting this, which was inspired by a discussion at QM on a chapter entitled "Waxing Your Cheese" in a cheesemaking book.  It turned out to be a favorite of the good folks at Wordpress as well, who mentioned it when posting their NaPoWriMo faves.  I even gave it a title.

THE BALLAD OF JACK AND PEPPER: A TRIOLET

Baby, let me wax your cheese
Ricotta know each other better.
You gouda know I’m on my knees ~
Baby, let me wax your cheese.
Don’t brie coy, you flirty tease,
Pouring red wax on that cheddar,
Baby, let me wax your cheese
Ricotta know each other better.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#4 2013-05-08 12:46:38

Magpie
Mantis
From: miraculously thistle-free town
Registered: 2006-03-27
Posts: 32895
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

How great to have all your poems in one place, Rook!


Basically, I'm Prince Josua in jeans and sneakers, or a different flavor of Renie Sulaweyo.
- Tad

Master of Gardening, Mistress of Kingdom Plantae, Defender of the Seedlings, Guardian of Root and Bough
Scrollbearer and offerer of some very useful opinions

 

#5 2013-05-08 12:51:27

Em
Mantis
From: Didjabringabeeralong, XXX
Registered: 2004-12-28
Posts: 43864

Re: The Poetry Slam

Oh, snap! The "Wax Your Cheese" poem got notice!!!!!!

Still makes me *giggle*


Yo, ho, yo ho. A pirate's life for me!

 

#6 2013-05-08 19:43:34

Genisis X
Pilgrim
From: permanent existential crisis
Registered: 2005-05-08
Posts: 15088

Re: The Poetry Slam

Awesome thread. Will read properly when I have some food in me. My stomach is making rather loud noises...

-X


I was going to do more things, but I'm staring uselessly at my computer again...
-Magpie

 

#7 2013-05-08 23:30:52

ylvs
Mantis
From: Art Central
Registered: 2001-06-19
Posts: 13416

Re: The Poetry Slam

Oh Rook, you did it! Marvelous!

Isn't it weird that in all those years noone put up a place dedicated to poetry? Wonderful that thta gap is closed now (and I'm so happy that the Cheese poem is there as well)!

 

#8 2013-05-08 23:34:12

Genisis X
Pilgrim
From: permanent existential crisis
Registered: 2005-05-08
Posts: 15088

Re: The Poetry Slam

Bwahaha! I like the critic one. It's great. Reminds me of Tim Minchin's 'Song for Phil Doust'

-X


I was going to do more things, but I'm staring uselessly at my computer again...
-Magpie

 

#9 2013-05-09 10:30:37

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Thanks, fellas!


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#10 2013-05-09 10:32:16

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

I'll repost this one too, since most of us are bloggers. :)

BLOGGER'S LAMENT

Blogging blog posts send me reeling
Logging in feels so defeating
Little beats that sinking feeling
That my posts nobody’s reading.

Though there’s one thing I fear the most
That, as my words reach foreign coasts,
Someone typed out a rude riposte
On how he really hates my post.

My heart sinks unequivoc’ly,
Just scant two hundred hits I see.
Oh, dash my dreams! I’ll never be
Some internet celebrity.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#11 2013-05-20 14:08:47

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

RUMINATIONS ON AGING I

Enough with bronies,
Rick rolling, “cake is a lie”,
And image macros.
Oh, for the simpler times of
“All your base are belong to us.”


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#12 2013-05-24 18:10:08

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Alright, my peeps... Did you know that there's going to be a Simpson's themed area at the Universal Studios Orlando theme park?  Crazy.  And I can't be more excited.  I got to thinking about the generation gap, though, and how our parents had Disneyland while we have Springfield.  So here we go, my poem on the matter:

My eyes light with a childlike glee
At replica Springfield's allure;
The Kwik-E-Mart is on main street,
The Frying Dutchman's just next door.

Our parents had dreamed, years ago,
That the Happiest Place On Earth
Was tow'ring spires, firework shows,
And singing dolls all filled with mirth.

Our generation, cynical,
Wants It's A Small World sunk at sea;
Role models are dysfunctional
Just like Our Fav'rite Family.

For we all grew far too jaded,
Resentful at the cloying joy.
Utopia --- fractured, faded,
A money-grubbing business ploy.

This, the new American Dream,
To live as slobs and not as kings ---
To stuff our face with Krispy Kreme
And find sardonic snark in things.

Kang and Kodos! No more tea cups!
Homer Simpson's the new Mickey.
A place for all the smart-mouthed grown ups;
Nostalgia is hella tricky.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#13 2013-06-03 10:41:56

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Yes, or
No; One, Zero.
How elegant life is
When no decisions are ever
Maybe.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#14 2013-06-03 14:23:03

Firsfron of Ronchester
Mantis
From: Ronchester
Registered: 2001-06-04
Posts: 23420
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Nice!


Scrollbearer, Keeper of the Firsfronicon, Message Board Poet Lariat and Guardian of the Wild Range.
Co-titan of fact-checking and priceless source of Osten-Ard-iana
Now-official Osten Ard consultant for Tad Williams

Ommu is horrifying; Akhenabi is f**king evil; Makho is Trump with a badass sword; Jijibo is the crackhead version of Towser.  And Saomeji is creepy. --Cyan

 

#15 2013-06-03 16:05:53

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Firsfron of Ronchester wrote:

Nice!

Thanks!  I've been contemplating a bunch of computer-related verse lately.

I don't know what that says about me.

Part of me suspects I've secretly been assimilated by the Borg.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#16 2013-06-03 16:27:16

Firsfron of Ronchester
Mantis
From: Ronchester
Registered: 2001-06-04
Posts: 23420
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Rook wrote:

Firsfron of Ronchester wrote:

Nice!

Thanks!  I've been contemplating a bunch of computer-related verse lately.

I don't know what that says about me.

Part of me suspects I've secretly been assimilated by the Borg.

Hmmm...


Poor Rook McRookington!
Assimilated by The Borg
Computerized and digitized
He ended in the morgue

Trapped in The Matrix
Just like that guy Neo
Bending spoons around the room
He was from Mukilteo



Whoa... that was awesomely bad. I'm hitting "Reply" anyway.


Scrollbearer, Keeper of the Firsfronicon, Message Board Poet Lariat and Guardian of the Wild Range.
Co-titan of fact-checking and priceless source of Osten-Ard-iana
Now-official Osten Ard consultant for Tad Williams

Ommu is horrifying; Akhenabi is f**king evil; Makho is Trump with a badass sword; Jijibo is the crackhead version of Towser.  And Saomeji is creepy. --Cyan

 

#17 2013-06-03 16:59:10

Genisis X
Pilgrim
From: permanent existential crisis
Registered: 2005-05-08
Posts: 15088

Re: The Poetry Slam

Rook wrote:

Yes, or
No; One, Zero.
How elegant life is
When no decisions are ever
Maybe.

Quantum computing should change this. 1, 0 and maybe. *sagenod*

:D

-X


I was going to do more things, but I'm staring uselessly at my computer again...
-Magpie

 

#18 2013-06-04 10:20:40

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Genisis X wrote:

Rook wrote:

Yes, or
No; One, Zero.
How elegant life is
When no decisions are ever
Maybe.

Quantum computing should change this. 1, 0 and maybe. *sagenod*

:D

-X

Well, there goes my brilliant observation!

*tears up scrap of paper*

*despite this poem only existing online*

....

*the tears make a pleasing sound, and the tactile benefits cannot be ignored*


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#19 2013-06-04 10:21:33

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Oh, for want of a deep, dark hole
Where to sulk after my blunders
Or the weight of an endless train
With steel wheels to throw me under.


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#20 2013-06-05 13:58:57

ylvs
Mantis
From: Art Central
Registered: 2001-06-19
Posts: 13416

Re: The Poetry Slam

*giggles*

What a great mistake not passing by the last few days ... But now I got all the fun at once.

*giggles some more*

Firs, you really gotta fight keeping your title as poet of Smarch ... Rook is much more productive ...

 

#21 2013-06-05 17:38:36

Rook
Mantis
From: Seattle, WA
Registered: 2001-06-02
Posts: 4435
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

ylvs wrote:

*giggles*

What a great mistake not passing by the last few days ... But now I got all the fun at once.

*giggles some more*

Firs, you really gotta fight keeping your title as poet of Smarch ... Rook is much more productive ...

Ron's stuff is more thematically appropriate though.

Hmm....

*schemes to overthrow the Firsfron Poetry Regime through cunning and poesy*

That said, have another poem!  About vidya games.

Exhaustion’s none so sweet as this:
A bruised raw thumb and stiff, numb wrists
My red eyes spy the clock — it’s two
And bedtime is long overdue.

Just twenty minutes more for fun!
Biotic amps and Scimitar gun
Strapped on Asari avatar
To join the interstellar war.

I crane my neck up from my couch,
assume the universal slouch,
and thumbs on gamepad move the sticks
And hope this thrill ride’s over quick

For I must be at work by eight;
A poor excuse for being late —
Good thing the iPad’s safe upstairs
Bad Piggie HD’s waiting there!


“The past,” they say, “is now truly like a foreign country. They do things exactly the same there.” --- Douglas Adams

Rooktopia! (Personal)

 

#22 2013-06-06 05:26:35

ylvs
Mantis
From: Art Central
Registered: 2001-06-19
Posts: 13416

Re: The Poetry Slam

I'm no gamer but what you describe sounds a lot like smarching to me ...

 

#23 2013-06-06 18:56:13

Firsfron of Ronchester
Mantis
From: Ronchester
Registered: 2001-06-04
Posts: 23420
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

ylvs wrote:

Firs, you really gotta fight keeping your title as poet of Smarch ... Rook is much more productive ...

Well, Rook's an assembly line of poetry... a veritable cornucopia of prose. But I thought you wanted quality!

Very well, since you insist on quantity over quality, I give you the worst poem I ever wrote:


Billy's Death

Billy fell down into the trough
(Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, moth)

He fell so hard that he cracked his skull
(Mouse, mouse, mouse, mole)

His body flew off from his big noggin
(Vulture, vulture, vulture, robin)

The doctor came to look at his head
(Catfish, catfish, catfish, bullhead)

And then he said, "Dear me, he's dead!"


Scrollbearer, Keeper of the Firsfronicon, Message Board Poet Lariat and Guardian of the Wild Range.
Co-titan of fact-checking and priceless source of Osten-Ard-iana
Now-official Osten Ard consultant for Tad Williams

Ommu is horrifying; Akhenabi is f**king evil; Makho is Trump with a badass sword; Jijibo is the crackhead version of Towser.  And Saomeji is creepy. --Cyan

 

#24 2013-06-07 05:38:47

ylvs
Mantis
From: Art Central
Registered: 2001-06-19
Posts: 13416

Re: The Poetry Slam

Wait - this is about what I want???

*ponders the possibilities*

 

#25 2013-06-07 09:40:26

Magpie
Mantis
From: miraculously thistle-free town
Registered: 2006-03-27
Posts: 32895
Website

Re: The Poetry Slam

Firsfron of Ronchester wrote:

He fell so hard that he cracked his skull
(Mouse, mouse, mouse, mole)

And then I saw a dead mole on the way to work, and guess what I had stuck in my head for the rest of the way? (Would have been longer, but work got too busy.)


Basically, I'm Prince Josua in jeans and sneakers, or a different flavor of Renie Sulaweyo.
- Tad

Master of Gardening, Mistress of Kingdom Plantae, Defender of the Seedlings, Guardian of Root and Bough
Scrollbearer and offerer of some very useful opinions

 

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